Archive for July, 2007

free-time comment

today whole day free,
and, hehe, can online le, no more empty time lo~
but…the line today is somehow, slow…
wonder why…
or…is this normal?
hope not…
 
in my room, when i close the door, it will slow down…
and, if i take my laptop to the living room,
it will be faster…
then, very omg la, you mean i have to go outside everytime i wanna online?
><
 
ok, let’s say about my strange classes…
 
well, i’m a strange people, taking strange course.
here, they split the school into two,
which are school of engineering and school of business…
then, my course, computer science, is under school of engineering…
 
ok, now the strangest thing.
this sem, i have 4 courses need to credit for.
Software Technology — this is quite normal, i think…
 
Statistical Data Analyasis — wtf, this is for geologist? i’m the onl non-geologist in the class…
 
Business Information System — then again, i’m the only non-commerce student in the class…
 
Engineering Mathematics — i haven attend this class yet, first class is at friday…wonder how is it…well, let’s hope to see some of my course-mate there…
@_@
 
============================
 
befor tart school, the timetable did not have one of my class…
then i have to notify the lecturer, which i do not even met him before…
 
after the first update, then there is a clash in my classes….
and…is a clash between two school…
business and science…
wtf, i have to meet lecturer from two school?
 
well thats very…mafan…
= =

The O-Week

The first week for me is the Orientation week,
or by short, we call it O-week.
It’s quite a stupid week, but, haha, that was fun.
 
At first, we were saperated into groups,
and for a group, we have to think of a group name.
then siapa tahu, later those things are all related to the group name!!!
crazy, my group name was Eiffel Tower…
= =
 
come on, imagine how our group cheer was!
(clap)(clap)Eiffel!
(clap)(clap)Tower!
(clap)(clap)(clap)(clap)(clap)Eiffel Tower!!!!!!!!!
 
alright, that was cute…
and…that was my idea, lol~
 
the SOAR advisors, all are volunteers from curtin,
they did a great job leadin us, the newcomers into the campus.
haha, cant descibe any further,
just can say, it was fun.
 
The man-made Eiffel Tower…
 
The Eiffel Tower Team
 
We are the BeatBox Duo
 
well, i had a nice start i guess,
so…better buck up for the upcoming challenge.
 
go go go!
gambate!
:P

something about miri

miri is a nie place,
although it has been rainin everyday for the last few days,
we could see rainbow almost everyday.
just last week, i saw rainbow for more than 3 times already.
 
 
in the market here, they sell strange foods, especially fruits here.
you can never see these things in west malaysia,
(or at least i never seen before)
got watermelon so small, they sell RM1 for one.
 
 
fruits, especially bananas here.
haha, i can’t describe, you see for yourself…
they got big one, red one, and claw-like shape…
 
 
our campus is very far from town,
and their town here…really cant compete with jb cs…
but, once you live in here,
wow, you really can feel the…erm…how do you say…
kampung feel ba…
 
you dun have the mood to go out everyday,
and, not really 空虚, except sometimes nothin to do, and cant online…
 
our tv here got 300+ channels!!!
but…all are china channels…
 
ok, i think that’s all for living for now…
there are so many thing i wanted to post up here,
but…haha, i try my best.

wahaha~~~

finally, i can online!!!
the first thing i wanna say is…
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
past few days, did soooo much things,
always wanted to share with you guys, but well…
it’s been a week since i last online…
the network now finally can be used,
and is very very fast now.
maybe is because not much people know the network is up now,
so…i shall…wahahahahaha for now,
sooner or later, the network will slow down…i guess…
 
so…
last but not least…
 
WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! 

streamyx

i have arrived at miri sarawak,
and now is stayin in the imperial hotel.
after check-in the villa,
tried out the internet there, and i can’t access internet there.
dunno what should i do, asked 诗娟 about it.
She said i need to apply for something before i can gain access to the internet.
well, that’s…very…incovenient for me…
 
after this post, i dunno how long will i be updatin…
the network there…i’m not sure…
sure hope i can have my own private streamyx there…
i dun care the price…

sayonara jb~

today is my last day here le,
tomolo i will fly to sarawak le…
so…sayonara to you all… 

幻觉

哈哈, 某大作家 冬柳 用了我的名字写小说, 还得奖了呢.
里面的其中一段…
 
=================================
 

文荣是一个很开朗的人,在偶然的机会之下,他转校来到了我就读的学校,中正高中。冥冥之中,好像是上天的安排。那天,当老师把帅气的他介绍给班上的同学时,可说是轰动啊!

 
==================================
 
跟现实中的…有差别吧…
不过看到了也爽…哈哈!
 
自己看自己的名字在小说里面, 怪怪的…
 
由于作者要求本人不要大肆宣传她的作品, 所以本人就不便透露太多咯~
我被她写到酱…也不好意思给人看啦~
呵呵~

moments…

我 upload 了昨天建国的花式操表演.
不懂作末, youtube 一直 upload 不到, 所以我就 upload 去了 multiply.
好不容易 upload 完了, 我自己开来看却看不到, download 不到…
所以, 我也 upload 进了 fileden.
 
你们要看在线的, 去试试看我的 multiply ==> 这里
不然你们要 download 来看, 去试试 download from 我的 fileden,
right click and save target as ==> 这里
两个都不行的话, 就只好等我有 online 的时候, msn share file 给你们咯…
用手机录的, mp4 格式, 需要 quick time player 或 media player classic 才可以看…
听说 real player 也可以, 不过我不敢肯定.
 
==================================
 
Re: celeste
 
loyalty is a good thing?
what good does it have?
come to think of it…i really can’t think of any profit from "being loyal"…
 
==================================
 
Re: iris
 
都不懂是不是最后一次…
我都经历过好多次 "最后一次", 结果都是…
在 jb 这边, 我看…也没有什么好珍惜的…
或许是要等到我失去后才懂吧…
也没有什么好失去的…
 
===================================
 
Re: huanjun
 
只有心动没有行动, 能够证明什么?
跟一条只会吠, 不会咬人的狗一样…
或许吧, 遗憾会比后悔好…
 
内心与行动偏极? 呵呵…也对…
 
====================================
 
Re: 1000mei
 
你很奇怪咯, 之前说要 treat me minum,
那天一见到我就伸手跟我要 minum.
你就学到很多咯, 我去学也没有什么意义吧…
 
我才不需要团员了解什么团友心情,
他们以后迟早会懂的…
又怎样?
 
眷恋…好讨厌的字眼…

loyalty

每次我说要回学校, 我妈有时候会问起:
"我看你酱多朋友, 只有你酱 loyalty 是不是?"
我…答不出…
 
昨天又回去了, 团友…没有几个…
就看到一些每次都会看到的老团友, 屁股;
还有我叫去的千美, 她带了永昇去;
还有碰巧回学校办事情的贤治;
还有, 不知从哪里冒出来的景程;
没了…
果然, 只有我一个傻子, 都毕业那么久了还一直死不要脸跑回去抛头露面…
果然, 只有我一个傻子, 为了回去学校, ponteng 工作…
其他人, 有空都去乐逍遥, 去唱K, 去逛街啦~ 还做什么傻子白痴浪费时间…
 
=================================
 
台湾建国的乐队跑来我们学校交流,
他们的花式操, 强…比坤成强多了, 哈哈!
在四楼, 用手机来录, 手有够酸的.
途中 Darron 还打过来, 害到我录到杂音…
= =
 
=================================
 
弈翰为了赴约, 还在路上撞车了…有点内疚对不起他…
 
==================================
 
这次回去, 还真的是什么东西都没有心情管…
交流也坐一边…也不懂他们给我名片干嘛, 我又没有可能会去联络他们…
看表演也是自己坐一边…也搞不懂, 为什么他们要我帮忙拍照…
拍来作末? 无聊…
 
一切都没心情…
 
===================================
 
晚上, 因为要烧 dvd 而迟到了很久…
谁知道, 才刚到没多久, 就见到不想见的人…
不问谁有来就答应来了, 是我的错吧…
 
如果我没有迟到, 我想我会马上离开…
如果我早知道…我就不会出席了…

tsubasa

ok, dun ask me again, i’ll say here, once and for all.
 
my flight is at 20th, this friday.
boarding time is 130pm, but i will have to check in one hour before.
fly from senai, not from changi. i think it is stupid to go to sg and fly to msia.
 
4 days left…
good bye, jb…
sayonara…
i will not be back, soon…

dreams

今天早上, 我发现我很自然起来了, 平时都是我爸叫醒我的, 因为要去上班.
起来后, 看看闹钟…
十一点了??? 今天我爸不用我上班哦?
为什么没有叫我起来的?
 
既然不用, 就睡回去了…
早上酱, 起来又睡回去, 竟然也可以进入深眠状态, 因为我做梦了,
而且…我还很清楚记得我的梦是什么样子了…
 
我, 还有三个朋友就坐在学校食堂,
(真的是在学校食堂, 完全一模一样, 我们就坐在靠实验室那边最后第二排)
因为其中一人后天就要去当兵了, 我们就在讨论明天的行程.
讲着讲着, 脚下爬出了一只…兔子, 眼睛很大很红…
我们都不去睬它, 它就在那边爬来爬去,
过后, 一个食堂的清洁工人就过来, 用一桶饭, 把它埋了…
就一座饭山那样…
 
突然惊醒, 心赃跳很快, 手麻痹, 因为被我侧身压到了…
换个姿势, 又睡回去了…
 
不知为何, 明明是睡回去了, 可是我还是在房间的?
下楼, 看到家里空无一人, 电脑开着.
突然家里电话响了, 是她打来的, 我就反射性问了很多东西, 讲了很多话,
但…电话另一边的她没有出声, 我 hello 了很多声…
最后终于有声音了…她刚刚都没有听到, alamak!
我又再重复刚刚的东西, 她回答了两声, 就突然断线了…
最重要的一句话我都没有讲到…
想打回去, 但是…忘记号码了…
连其中的对话, 我都还记得很清楚…
 
"hello, 你找我啊?"
"啊! 你终于肯打回来了 har!? 之前为什么没有理我的 sms? 今天怎样?"
"…"
"hello?"
"…"
"hello? oi! 你在吗!?"
"…"
"…"
"soli, 刚刚没有在听, 你讲多一次?"
"walao, 没有在讲一声 mah, 害我自己讲, 你又没有在听."
"soli, 你不是说有很重要的东西吗?"
"哦, 其实也没什么啦, 你还没有回答我叻, 作末没有回我 sms?"
"哦, 我没有看到…"
"ceh, 我还以为你不要理我了. then 你现在方便听电话吗?"
"…"
"hello?"
"…"
(断线了…)
 
盖了电话(我还记得电话是蓝色的, 我家以前用的), 拿了钥匙, 开门…
手机突然响了!
我才刚走去电脑旁边的手机, 还没有拿起来, 就断了, 不响了.
一封 sms 来了. 听到 sms 的声音, 我突然睁开眼睛…
 
原来, 我刚刚一直都躺在床上…
看看闹钟, 才过了十分钟…
但感觉上我赖了很久…
看看手机, 3 个 miss call, 2 个 sms…
 
==============================
 
刚刚在看小说, 看到一章, 关于梦的…
 
这是小说里的一段内容:
 
========================
 
“你知道结界吧?”

“嗯,”我点头,进入麒玉二后见过不少,楚一手中的这个方形屏障就是一个小的结界。

“结界可以有很多形状,”楚一道,掌中的蓝色结界随着他的话音不断变幻着形状,方的、圆的、菱形的、八角的、荷叶状的,再变作正方的,“你知道一千层结界连在一起会变成什么吗?”说着,他掌心的结界突然变厚、再变厚,瞬间化成一个蔚蓝透明的立方体!

“这是……界!”我惊呼。

楚一点头,掌中的立方体忽快忽慢的旋转着:“没错,所谓的人间界、魔界、妖界、精灵界、修罗界,等等等等的九界十域,其本质和我掌中的立方体是一样的,只不过比它更多样更复杂罢了。所谓的创世界,也不过是用最基本的材料创造出无数个不同的界而已!”

“难道……花、草、动物,连人都是界的一种吗?”我讶然道。

“所有的物体不都是原子组成的吗?”楚一道,手中的立方体越转越快,竟渐渐化为一个蔚蓝色的球体,“不过,这是广义上的说法,一般来说,结界就指妖魔异能者用妖魔力灵力制造出的含有能量的各种屏障!”微微停顿,楚一接着道,“而界,则是由这些屏障组成或圈出的空间!”

“组成或圈出?有什么不同?”

“用自造结界圈出的界,只是起到阻隔保护的作用。用自造结界组成的空间,或者说用自己的灵力造出的空间,空间里的一切都由创造者来主导。”

“就是所谓的,妖魔造的空间界里妖魔最大?”我问,忽而想起在图书馆遭遇书虫的经历。

“对。空间界内的准则基本是由空间创造者订立的。”楚一应道。

“那这跟人的梦有什么关系?”

“梦也是一种特殊的界,”楚一解释,手掌一翻,蔚蓝色的水晶球开始在掌下滚动,“梦境产生于发梦者的大脑,虚幻却又与现实相通,梦魇这种兽可以徘徊于不同生物不同梦境之间,直接改变梦中的事物、逻辑、发展方向来制造恐怖效果,不过,梦毕竟是属于发梦者的,所以,只要发梦者意志力够强,就可以破除梦魇的改变,将梦境导往希望的方向。”

“任何方向?”

“是的,任何方向!在梦里,你无所不能!”楚一道,嘴边漾起一抹浅笑,“不过,为了更方便你对付梦魇,最好的办法是你学会制造结界,用自造结界圈出一个界,包住你的整个梦境,因为梦的主人本来就是你,所以即使只是圈出的空间界,同样可以自行修改规则逻辑,如此一来,梦中,你想什么便来什么,要什么便有什么!”

“想什么便来什么?要什么便有什么?那我要全世界呢?”我侃道,“也可以吗?”

“可以,不过那毕竟是梦,”楚一淡然笑道,手一拍,浮于掌下的蔚蓝球体化为闪亮碎屑,弥散消失,“只是梦而已,而且如果你想象力有限,即时在梦里得到全世界,也没什么感觉。”

“但是,梦魇也在我的梦中,”我笑道,“按你的意思,只要我能控制住我的梦,便可在一定程度上控制梦魇!”

楚一点点头。

“那还等什么?”我兴高采烈,“现在就教我如何生成结界吧!”

==========================
 
我的梦是彩色的, 因为我记得.
但, 在梦中, 我不是控制者.
虽然说我是我的梦的主人, 但我的梦, 却没有随我心所欲.
明明现实中我是不断抗拒, 但梦中还是出现了…
还是说, 现实中我所抗拒的, 其实…在我潜意识中, 是我所追求的?
所以…梦里出现的, 才是我真正内心所要的?
 
其他人的梦, 又是怎样的呢?

similaity

改了一整晚的新 theme,
今天才发现…
我改到跟欢君的竟然那么像!
sien 完…
 
先这样吧,
等以后有新灵感才改…
 
这边声明:
我的 favourite color 不是 purple, 是 black.
我放 purple 纯粹是因为刚好我手机的 theme 也是 purple,
then 刚好我要 highlight purple hair 才放 purple 的.
 
黑色跟很多颜色其实都蛮配的,
不过, 搭配起来感觉不一样吧.
 
black + white : simple
black + yellow : bright
black + red : passion
black + green : digital
black + blue : eerie
black + purple : mysterious
black + orange : stylish
black + brown : galaxian
… etc.

STARGAZER

wandering in these emptiness,
i decided…to continue, and if possible, finish what i had started, but unable to complete due to busy.
(is noun of busy, business? dunno…i dun think it is appropriate)
 
in 3 days,
i finished the whole series of gundam wing.
 
in 2 days,
i finished downloading the new OVA of g-seed destiny,
the gundam stargazer…
 
started reading a novel,
quite interesting novel,
that i copy it to the…wasted meteorrain forum…
 
uploaded the linkin park album on multiply…
 
receved 3 sets of PO from maxis,
and printed out 3 full sets of invoices for them in one go…
 
changed my desktop wallpaper,
changed my hp ringtone,
did a full virus scan on my pc,
did a clean up on my pc…
 
 
 
ok, i think i did a lot of thing…
but…i can still feel the emptiness…
at least, time fly faster this way…
 
ok, maybe i should continue my hack research…
 
 
 
ah!
i almost forgot!
plkn photos haven burn out for them…
class video haven abstract out…
 
ok, i’ll do it in these few days…
 
 
 
i’m gonna dye my hair,
i’m goin to move house…
i’m goin to quit…
i’m leavin here already…
go to faraway land, start afresh…
 
 
 
i’ll keep walking on,
filled up with injustice,
beyond the door of the stars…

deathscythe

balia, go and find a ms test, then the results is…
the ms that suits me most is this, gundam deathscythe from gundam wing…
2nd best is blitz from gundam seed…
 
looks like, i really is a stealthy person…
 


farewell, final week.

ok, start from tomorrow, i only have one week left.
finally, i can feel the time fly closer to me already,
although it’s slow…but it’s in progress…
 
maybe it’s still early,
now, i dun have any feel…
or…maybe because i wait for that day really very long,
i’m kinda…looking forward of that day…
 
always think that i will be busy next week,
though that, i’ll be meeting everyone one last time,
or…fulfilling my last moment with here, but…
my schedule for next week, my last week…is still empty…
 
dunno who to spend my last moment on…
family? friend? dunno why…i rather stay on work…
 
i could have quited this job long ago,
but…i dun have the reason to, so i stayed till now…
i have nothing else to do at home…
 
since i dunno who to invite,
i’m…waiting for invites from anyone…
i’m so…pathetic…
 
there’re so many things money can’t buy,
and…that is why, i dunno how to spend my money away…
everything that i wan, cant be bought with money…
 
有谁愿意陪我?
我出钱, 你们出时间…

friendless…

feeling friendless now…
good or bad, no one to share…
 
at first, i though that i actually have lotsa friends,
that…even if i lose one or two, i can still go on…
but now…i realised…
one close friend, beats 20 not-so-close friends…
 
now…lost my directions…
wanna watch a movie also dunno who to invite…
online msn also dunno who to talk to…
i have so many contacts, but…open so many chatboxes, also dunno what to talk about….
 
i feel lost…
 
is this what i get, when…
breaking up with a gang of best friends…?
 
my only friend now, is my computer…
 
 
 
 
oh, cheer up man~
now i can concentrate on doin some thing,
and…i’ll get used to it…someday…
a hacker needs no friend anyway…
 
i’m not ready yet, but…i will be ready…someday…somehow…

Minutes To Midnight

In this farewell,
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi.
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret,
From the truth
Of a thousand lies.
 
So let mercy come,
And wash away
What I’ve done.
 
I’ve faced myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done.
 
For what I’ve done,
I’ll start again.
And whatever pain may come,
Today this ends.
I’m forgiving what I’ve done. 
 
Wake in a sweat again,
Another day’s been laid to waste
In my disgrace.
Feels like I’ll never leave this place.
There’s no escape.
 
I’m my own worst enemy…
 
I don’t know what to take.
Thought I was focused, but I’m scared.
I’m not prepared.
I hyperventilate.
Looking for help somehow, somewhere,
And no one cares.
 
I’ve given up…
I’m sick of feeling…
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away!
I’m suffocating!
Tell me what the f**k is wrong with me!?
 
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my…
Put me out of my f**king misery!!!
 
No, no more sorrow.
I’ve paid for your mistakes.
Your time is borrowed.
Your time has come to be replaced.
 
You will pay for what you’ve done.
Your time has come to be replaced.
Your time has come to be erased.
 
After my dreaming,
I woke with this fear.
What am I leaving?
 
When I’m done here,
When my time comes,
Forget the wrong that I’ve done.
 
Help me leave behind some…
Reasons to be missed.
 
I’m strong on the surface,
Not all the way through.
I’ve never been perfect,
But neither have you.
 
Forgetting…
All the hurt inside,
You’ve learned to hide so well.

Pretending…
Someone else can come and save me from myself.
I can’t be who you are…

Don’t resent me.
And when you’re feeling empty,
Keep me in your memory,
Leave out all the rest…
Leave out all the rest…

Domain purchase…A step to my dream…

My dad is going to buy a lifetime domain soon,
and…i’ll volunteer to help him design the company website.
spent one whole day, learning html, css, and javascript,
and went to some hacker forum and website…
 
nice…
 
i found a paradise…
 
tried some basis hacking, and…it’s not easy,
but i passed some exams…for the basics of basics,
that’s not a bad start, i guess…
 
hacker can be good or evil…
and…i’ll start to be evil…someday…
 
=========================
 
To follow the path:
    look to the master,
    follow the master,
    walk with the master,
    see through the master,
    become the master.

我是变态

i found new target for my life.
i’ll study hard, and i’ll achieve this target by any means.
 
i wanna hack into any country’s armed force base,
launch their missiles, and bombard one place to wasteland.
and that place is…
TUN AMINAH!!!
 
ok, to acchieve my target,
i’ll start to learn hacking skill…from now on…
i don’t care anymore.
I DON’T CARE!!!
 
DESTROY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

F.I.R. – I Don't Care

Download:
*right click save target as
 
It is not fair ’cause I am really scared
this world is not fair it’s not fair
I don’t wanna watch you talk about it right here
’cause I dont care I tell you now I dont care
 
风轻吹 吹干泪
泪流了一夜 才觉得浪费 
是错对 无所谓 我让你去飞
别再做无谓的美梦 想去挽回
就别再作困兽之斗 去挣扎一切

那些美丽誓言 如今都已破碎

飞跃谎言 冲破无力改变的世界

I don’t care. It’s not fair. 就让你犯你的罪
I don’t care. No more care. 带着下一个梦去追
我不后悔 不后退 就是那么的绝对
我要的完美不是不是不是你能给

将一切毁灭! I don’t care.

I don’t care.
I don’t care.
No more care.

不爽你!!!

你是不是不要理我了?
为什么不回我的电话?
 
我现在超级不爽你, 我超生你的气!!!
我想了整个下午, 我决定了! 我要跟你断绝来往!!!
我现在打给你的这一通电话是我最后一次跟你讲话了.
以后, 不管你有没有事, 都不要来找我!
最好是直接把我的名字从你的电话里面删掉, 当作从来没有认识过我这个人.
我不管了, 我是认真的, 我不想再见到你了!
你要绝, 我跟你绝到底.
 
你还有什么要问我的吗?
还是有什么要告诉我的吗?
没有的话…bye bye.
 
==========================
 
现在八点, 打不到她电话…
等下再打给她, 我一定要告诉她.
如果今天打不到, 下星期我也要打.
我不管了!
我不爽!!!

first mobile blog

this is my first time blogging using mobile space.
no mood to work,
no mood to talk,
no mood to do anything…

the weather is hot now, but…
my world is only filled with darkness…
as my soul, living in the north pole, at the days of eternal night,
cold, dark, no sight of life at all…


to am important person: farewell…

i found myself in a crossroad again…
whether, i should be sad or not…
 
15-07-2005 团员大会, you sat beside me. the scene is still clear to me, and the feeling is…similar…
after 弈慧 declared that love is prohibited in our band, her words…stabbed thru my heart…
should i regret, that i’ve been too 乖?
16-07-2005 our last conversation…you started to avoid me, after i proposed to you…
 
i’ve been lying to you and everyone all the time…
should i be forgiven? maybe not…
i’ve been selfish…and fake…
i scare to lose many more frens, so i decided to…live behind a mask…
 
2006 year, i heard you coupled with my partner, 凯翔, during a sarjan meeting…
at that time, i dunno they know about me or not, but…
they framed you two "问题巡委"…
hate 凯翔, but dun wanna hurt you, at the same time…
so, i volunteerily stay out the case…
 
not that i wanna bring out history, but…
the time i am typing my blog here, these scenes just floats out of my mind…
 
2006 year, we were partner at the exam project, but i did most of the job…
really…i pushed myself to do it, for you…
 
you didn’t ask me, and i didn’t show out…
maybe, you, just assumed i let it down…
but…no.
 
memory with you are few…
and most are sad…
i dunno why my heart is still the same…
i should have chose other gals, but…i cant…
 
i’ve been lying all the time…
i do not confess to anyone…
i hid this truth, all by myself this time…
i let many friends down…
 
i dun blame you, i just blame myself…
i am just damn stupid, silly…
i am just so weak, so lame…
i am such a coward…
such bull-head…siao ki na!
 
"can i ask a secret question?"
"do you still like yanjin?"
慧榕 ask me this sometime…
"dunno"
"…"
"not i dun wan to answer you, is i dunno how to answer you, it’s complicated"
i lied…
i dunno what will happen if i say out the truth…
 
sometimes, you will ask me, "你是不是有喜欢的人?"
i will nod my head…secretly…but then you will ask "是不是慧榕?"
i’m complicated again…
for many time, i wanted to tell the truth, but i do not dare…
 
"it’s hard to smile with tears, but…"
"i’ll try my best…"
"g’nite"
i was touched…
i went to washroom to wash my face, to try to cool myself down,
you waited for me…just to bid g’nite to me…
after you went offline, i did not stop cryin…
i was sad…and touched at the same time…
 
============================
 
just read thru our chat log…
i agree, i’m not good at making topic out, especially with you…
but…so long time no open that folder le,
i was surprised…that my chat log with you, has the largest file size…
after cryin for so long time, readin it makes me smile…
we had such great time sometimes…
 
sorry…and thank you…
i know i’m not a good person, not suitable for you.
there’ll be more, better people for you…
thanks, for reading my every blog…
thanks, for your time spent on me…
and thanks in advance, that you’ll still keep in touch with me…will you?
 
i’ll miss you…

sorry

suddenly, i feel sorry to many many people…
maybe i think too much, but…i feel like i let many people down…
maybe i really think too much, but…i think i did something very terribly wrong…
i created much confusion for other people…
and today, i feel that i should start to be honest…honest to my feelings…
 
i dunno…
i think i’m weak…really really not like a guy…
saying these may not be convincing, but…
sometimes, i cry alone at night…
mostly because the same reason…
 
i’ve been lying to myself and everyone all the time,
that i vowed to be optimistic…
sometimes, i really did it, in front of other people…but…
no one knows how’s behind the scene…
 
我不要听借口 我只想一人走掉  
把泪留在街角 我不过希望你会听到 
爱情化作 一片片冰雪单调 
不用你多说 我现在通通都了 

 
have been struggling for a very long time…
always thought that i’ll leave this place, without much grieve, but now…
waves and waves of sadness, pierced thru my heart and soul…
like…continuous tsunami attacks, cruel, and fatal…
i’m defenceless…i’m weak…
 
可不可以任性 求求你不要去
藏在我心里 最后一句 其实还爱你
 
i think not…
my world is now filled with darkness now…
darkness…suits me…perhaps…
no light, no hope…nothing…
 
你 你的温柔感动了我
我 忍耐太久内伤太重
在 这一秒我一定要说
就算失败 也不沈默
 
just one night, i really touched by you…
it’s nothing much actually, but you stayed late, just for saying g’nite to me…
touched…but sad at the same time…
i really cant believe how in a state i was…at that time…
and for now…not much difference…except without you now…
more…saddening…
 
there is something i really have to learn…
that is to express my own feelings…
and to open my heart…
now, i’m ready for it…but only for you…
dunno…will you be willing to…understand me more?
and…will you allow me to…care for you?
 
i’m scared…worried…
maybe, i made you feel complicated too…
but…i’m ready to tell you everything…
ask me whenever you’re ready…
 
我不要求什么 我只想不被打扰 
把爱留在街角 就当你永远不会看到 
记忆化作 极光出现那一秒 
我开始微笑 以后会努力过得 很好
 
============================
 
moodless now…
now, i only have the mood to talk to…only two persons…
this two person…hope that any one of them will come talk with me…