to am important person: farewell…
i found myself in a crossroad again…
whether, i should be sad or not…
15-07-2005 团员大会, you sat beside me. the scene is still clear to me, and the feeling is…similar…
after 弈慧 declared that love is prohibited in our band, her words…stabbed thru my heart…
should i regret, that i’ve been too 乖?
16-07-2005 our last conversation…you started to avoid me, after i proposed to you…
i’ve been lying to you and everyone all the time…
should i be forgiven? maybe not…
i’ve been selfish…and fake…
i scare to lose many more frens, so i decided to…live behind a mask…
2006 year, i heard you coupled with my partner, 凯翔, during a sarjan meeting…
at that time, i dunno they know about me or not, but…
they framed you two "问题巡委"…
hate 凯翔, but dun wanna hurt you, at the same time…
so, i volunteerily stay out the case…
not that i wanna bring out history, but…
the time i am typing my blog here, these scenes just floats out of my mind…
2006 year, we were partner at the exam project, but i did most of the job…
really…i pushed myself to do it, for you…
you didn’t ask me, and i didn’t show out…
maybe, you, just assumed i let it down…
but…no.
memory with you are few…
and most are sad…
i dunno why my heart is still the same…
i should have chose other gals, but…i cant…
i’ve been lying all the time…
i do not confess to anyone…
i hid this truth, all by myself this time…
i let many friends down…
i dun blame you, i just blame myself…
i am just damn stupid, silly…
i am just so weak, so lame…
i am such a coward…
such bull-head…siao ki na!
"can i ask a secret question?"
"do you still like yanjin?"
慧榕 ask me this sometime…
"dunno"
"…"
"not i dun wan to answer you, is i dunno how to answer you, it’s complicated"
i lied…
i dunno what will happen if i say out the truth…
sometimes, you will ask me, "你是不是有喜欢的人?"
i will nod my head…secretly…but then you will ask "是不是慧榕?"
i’m complicated again…
for many time, i wanted to tell the truth, but i do not dare…
…
"it’s hard to smile with tears, but…"
"i’ll try my best…"
"g’nite"
i was touched…
i went to washroom to wash my face, to try to cool myself down,
you waited for me…just to bid g’nite to me…
after you went offline, i did not stop cryin…
i was sad…and touched at the same time…
============================
just read thru our chat log…
i agree, i’m not good at making topic out, especially with you…
but…so long time no open that folder le,
i was surprised…that my chat log with you, has the largest file size…
after cryin for so long time, readin it makes me smile…
we had such great time sometimes…
sorry…and thank you…
i know i’m not a good person, not suitable for you.
there’ll be more, better people for you…
thanks, for reading my every blog…
thanks, for your time spent on me…
and thanks in advance, that you’ll still keep in touch with me…will you?
i’ll miss you…
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昨天听你讲到两点多。。。我就睡了。。。
你说什么“你知道你像什么吗？“
我还没看到就offline了。。
不好意思。。。解决不了你的问题。。。
不过，我觉得你很棒。至少你会想解决。。。
我也有自己的问题。。。
不过。。。。没有去解决。。。。
因为我想时间会帮我解决。。。。
久而久之，问题成了一个疤痕。。。
其实，我会劝你。。。。可是劝不了自己。。。。
我不知道自己要什么。。。
Jul 07, 2007 @ 12:36 pm
爸爸，我也不懂应该怎么说。。。希望你这次是真的想放下了。。。
也希望那天跟我出来那天你是真的想见我而不是因为妍瑾，不然我会很伤心的。。
那天那个蛋糕我还是有吃一点，虽然有点恶心，可是那是你的心意。。。希望真的不是。。。
Jul 07, 2007 @ 3:32 pm