Inspiring 笑话寓言
转自 qq.com
【经济学课堂】
一个人去买牛奶。小贩说：1 瓶 3 块，3 瓶 10 块。他很无语，于是掏出 3 块买了 1 瓶，如是三次。然后他对小贩说：哈哈，看到没，我花 9 块就买了 3 瓶。小贩：哈哈，自从我这么干，每次都能一下卖掉 3 瓶。
这也许不光是一种销售的手法，更是一种让你的工作生活充满创意的思考方式！
【销售心理】
某富翁娶妻，有三个人选，富翁给了三个女孩各一千元，请她们把房间装满。女孩 A 买了很多棉花，装满房间的 1/2 。女孩 B 买了很多气球，装满房间 3/4。女孩 C 买了蜡烛，让光充满房间。最终，富翁选了胸部最大的那个。
这个故事告诉我们：了解客户的真实需求非常重要。
【习惯】
乞丐到小王家乞讨，他给十块，第二天乞丐又去，又给十块，持续两年。一天只给五块，乞丐：以前给十块，怎么现在给五块？小王：我结婚了。乞丐一巴掌打过去：妈的，你竟拿我的钱去养你老婆？
启示：当提供免费服务让客户成为一种习惯，这种服务就不再是优势，而是劣势。
【夫妻】
夫妇逛商场，女的看中一套高档餐具，坚持要买，丈夫嫌贵，不肯掏钱。导购一看，悄悄对丈夫说了句话，他一听马上掏钱。是什么让他立马转变？导购员对丈夫说：
“这么贵的餐具，你太太是不会舍得让你洗碗的。” 启示： 人的观念没有什么不可改变，关键是角度，要善于揣摩客户心理。
【管理的弊端】
女孩买了条裤子，一试太长，请奶奶帮忙剪短，奶奶说忙；找妈妈，也没空；找姐姐，更没空。女孩失望地入睡了。奶奶忙完家务想起小孙女的裤子，就把裤子剪短了一点；姐姐回来又把裤子剪短了；妈妈回来也把裤子剪短了，最后裤子没法穿了。
管理的弊端就在于：要么都不管，要么都来管！
【杯子】
当一只玻璃杯中装满牛奶的时候，人们会说 “这是牛奶”；当改装菜油的时候，人们会说 “这是菜油”。只有当杯子空置时，人们才看到杯子，说 “这是一只杯子”。同样，当我们心中装满成见、财富、权势的时候，就已经不是自己了；人往往热衷拥有很多，却往往难以真正的拥有自己。
【碗破的启示】
一个卖瓷碗的老人挑着扁担在路上走着，突然一个瓷碗掉到地上摔碎了，但是老人头也不回地继续向前走。路人看到觉得很奇怪，便问：“为什么你的碗摔碎了你却不看一下呢？”老人答到：“我再怎么回头看，碗还是碎的。”
你得到什么启示呢？
【琐事】
一只鼬鼠要与一只狮子决战，狮子果断地拒绝了。鼬鼠说：“你害怕了吗？”狮子说：“如果答应你，你就可以得到曾与狮子比武的殊荣；而我呢，以后所有的动物都会耻笑我竟和鼬鼠打架。”
不要被不重要的人和事过多打搅，因为成功的秘诀就是抓住目标不放，而不是把时间浪费在无谓的琐事上。
以上几个小故事，希望可以给各位一起奋斗在路上的小伙伴们一些启迪与帮助
Funny (but true) Logic
Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes.
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about 3.
Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5 which includes a tip.
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose.
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day, which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400… correct?
Man: Correct.
Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108000, correct?
Man: Correct.
Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: …
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No.
Man: Where’s your Ferrari?
IT vs Business
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
The man below says: “yes you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”
“You must work in Information Technology” says the balloonist.
“I do” replies the man. “How did you know.”
“Well” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.”
The man below says “you must work in business.”
“I do” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well”, says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”
Source: http://mistupid.com/people/itvbusiness.htm
Pro kids!
转自：http://www.fullpunch.com/funny-photos/awesomeness-from-teacher-and-student.html/
Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Maria.
Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.
Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile’?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
Teacher: No, that’s wrong.
Glenn: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
Teacher: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
Winnie: Me!
Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
Glen: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘I…’.
Millie: I is…
Teacher: No, Millie… Always say, ‘I am’.
Millie: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
Louis: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
Teacher: Clyde, your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It’s the same dog.
Teacher: Harold, how do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Harold: A teacher.
Nyanyanyanyanyanyanya!
歌词只有一个字：Nyan。自己重覆 xD
很无聊白痴对不对？（也很可爱吧哈哈～）
这个 Nyan Cat 在 YouTube 有一段故事的。
有几个人因为 Upload 了这个 video，结果被 youtube block 掉，flag 成 copyrighted video。
结果那个真正的作者被全世界的人误会，害到他要在自己的 blog 说自己没有 file copyright complain。
而且，还要自己亲自，连同其他合作的人一起，file counter-complain 要求 youtube 解开那个 block。
自作聪明的 youtube 哈哈。
要了解更多有趣的背景可以看看下面这个：
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/nyan-cat-pop-tart-cat
下载 MP3: http://hotfile.com/dl/125686996/1ece9a2/Nyan_Cat.mp3.html
真的是浪漫死了
某天一个女人和老公吵架，
她伤感地对朋友说：“我和老公吵架了，他冲我大吼，让我带上自己的东西滚。
我用袋子把老公装进去，哭着说你是属于我的。”
“真感人，然后呢？”朋友问。
她回答：“。。。然后我装了四袋才把他装完。”
转自：JBTalks
梁静茹 – 情歌没有告诉你
最近才 download 的专辑。
其实嘛。。。没有很好听啦里面的歌。还是之前几个的比较好。
懒惰 share 玩全部，我只 share 其中几个我觉得好听的而已。
如果真的要 download 全部的话，either 自己去找，不然 comment 下面，我再全部 upload 给你。
曲目列表：
还有，一个 friendly advice：
【情歌没有告诉你】很好听，可是。。。千万不要去看 MV。超不配的。= =+
Never Laugh at Chinese!
Read from facebook.
Original Link: http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=102557166488302&id=1636218513
A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to China on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.
The Loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, ‘Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000? The Chinese replies: ‘Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there safely when I return.’
I think I might do the same when I’m rich. xD
Musical Morning
早上开 facebook，reader 等等，看到两个不错的音乐 video，
就 download 下来了。过后想就 post 在这边分享分享，可是。。。
我忘记他们的 youtube link 了，在 chrome history 里面很乱懒惰找，
就直接重新 upload 去我的 youtube account 了。。。
= =+
我很喜欢听 acappella。以前也喜欢唱的，现在就。。。
找没有人一起唱，找没有谱来唱，找没有时间没有理由唱也是。
这些是外国人，竟然唱广东歌唱到有声有色酱鸡标准一下。
闭上眼睛听，根本听不出是外国人唱的。
不过也对啦，唱的却比说容易模仿，因为没有语调，只有音调。呵呵
这个人明明看起来就很逊。。。
这样玩乐器我也会咯～
不佩服他玩乐器的玩法，可是却很佩服他 editing 的功力。
可以利用那些简单的小动作拼成一个音乐出来，要很强的音乐细胞和 editing software 技巧。
想学学玩玩看哈哈，有时间的话。>”<
顺便小提一下。
七号，你太丑了没有要看你。
:P
Youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLspsXsHMgQ
对不起，我很不体贴，也很笨很猪。。。
男人与女人一晚沒回家的差別
在脸书看到的，觉得蛮有意思的哈哈哈～
一个女人有一晚没回家，隔天她跟老公说她睡在一个女性好朋友那边。
她老公打电话给她最好的 10 个朋友，没有一个知道这件事！
一个男人有一晚没回家，隔天他跟老婆说他睡在一个好兄弟那边。
她老婆打电话给他最好的 10 个朋友，有 8 个兄弟回答说他老公昨天睡在他们家。。。
还有 2 个说她老公还在他那！
某网友的回应：
昨晚把此文章给我老婆看，没想到他兴致大发，
立刻打电话给我朋友问我是否在他们那里，
结果可想而知，再次论证了上述观点！
更离谱的是有一个哥儿们竟然说我在他家喝醉了，正睡着呢！
还问我老婆要不要喊我起来接电话？
在挂了电话后，拿哥儿们马上打给我，一接通没等我说话就大喊
“ 干！！！你在哪！？块回家吧！你老婆找你！我说你在我家喝醉了。。。回去前别忘了先喝酒！”
挂掉电话后，我看着老婆默默无语。。。
这证明了。。。男人真是情意相挺啊！
xD
[转] 3 min management course ( Fast Track Learning )
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you £800 to drop that towel.’
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in
front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’
‘It was Bob the next door neighbour,’ she replies.
‘Great!’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?’
*Moral of the story* :
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up
her leg again.
The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’
The priest apologised ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you
just one wish.’
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas ,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’
Puff! She’s gone.
‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing
on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas
and the love of my life.’
Puff! He’s gone.
‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ‘I want
those two back in the office after lunch.’
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and
do nothing?’
The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. ‘I would love to be able to get to the
top of that tree,’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’
‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull.
‘They’re packed with nutrients.’
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of
the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the
tree.
Moral of the story:
Bullsh!t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there,
a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize
how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend
(3) And when you’re in deep sh!t, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
[转] 超 pro 辞职信
臭臭的哲学 — 人生就像大便
废废的
→元旦时，我们全家一起到历史博物馆参观「冰马桶」…
师评：有这样的东东吗？我也要去！（兵马俑）
→早上起床整里「遗容」后，我们到学校集合，搭车前往垦丁毕业旅行
师评：不知道你家是哪一家殡仪馆？老师一直都不知道…（仪容）
→昨晚左眼皮跳个不停，当时就觉得那是「胸罩」，果然今天皮夹被扒走了
师评：孩子，你已经这么大了吗？（凶兆）
→报上说重金属污染过的牡蛎，可「治」癌…
师评：养蚵人家翻身矣！我是不是该赶快去养牡蛎？会赚到翻哦…（致癌）
→昨晚我和同学到快餐店吃晚餐，我们点了两个汉堡、「鸡块一粪」…
师评：好吃吗？鸡粪？（鸡块一份）
→星期天准备外出逛街时，匆忙之间不小心给「肛门」夹到，真倒霉
师评：老师很好奇──谁的肛门这么大…？（钢门）
→逛完花市后，我花钱买下「贱男」，准备带回家过年。
师评：发音正确一点，「剑兰」会哭的…
→我的历史老师长发披肩，个子矮小，脾气不好，有一点点「胸」…
师评：历史老师要我转告你「等下上历史课，皮给我绷紧一点。」（凶）
→我认为自己是个品学兼「忧」的好学生…
师评：你是该忧了──不及格。（优）
→在「崎岖坎坷」的人生「康庄大道」上，我们要坚定方向…
师评：此路可继世界八大奇迹兵马俑之后，登上第九大奇迹。
→从小就住在我们家隔壁的陈伯伯住家三楼最后面一间厨房不知道为什么会三不五时地飘来一阵又一阵烹煮红烧牛肉时所散发出来的浓浓迷人中药味道…
师评：明天麻烦你一口气念完这句给我听，不准换气
换气氛~~~
[转] 男人 & 女人该知道的十件事
转自 juztalks
一：爱人就是爱人，只要去爱，不要拿来比较，不要老说别人的老公如何如何好，别数落他没出息，你是他最亲密的人，你还这么说他，好象不太应该，对大多数男人来说，赞赏和鼓励比辱骂更能让他有奋斗的力量。何况，爱他还忍心伤害他吗？爱他一定要尊重他，再生气也不可以出口伤人，言语的伤口有时一生都在流血的。身体的伤害很容易治愈，精神的伤害后果是可怕的。
二：不可以整天追问对方爱不爱你。他若真爱你，你不必问；他若不爱你，他已做了你的丈夫，难道他会对自己的妻子明确地承认吗？除非他不想要这段婚姻了。他对你的爱，用心去体会就品味出来了。爱是做出来的，不是说出来的。老挂在口头上不落到实际的爱太苍白无力，婚姻是现实的，生活是现实的，风花雪月的恋爱，不是真实的生活。婚姻是从柴米油盐中感受爱的。
三：不要摆脸色给对方看，一个生气的女人是很丑陋的。他工作已有许多压力，没有义务回家还要看你的脸色哄你开心。对方性格上会有缺点，生活细节会与你不同，令你不满意，但他怎么可能是完美的，在你面前，他要放下面具，做回自己，做个普通人。宽容是做人和对待婚姻应有的态度。容忍和体谅对方，
四：男人对自己的尊严看得比什么都重要，不管在私下他有多么宠爱你，多么怕你。在人前一定要给足对方面子，让他做天不怕地不怕老婆更不怕的他口中的顶天立地的男子汉，他应该不大会喜欢朋友们开玩笑取笑他怕老婆。除非他有足够的强大后盾和高高在上的身份，可是，我们大多是普通人呀。
五：男人大多喜欢吹牛，你别戳破他的这个小把戏，他们这么样可以让自己得到一点力量，找到一点自信，好继续人生征程下面的拼搏。虚拟的成就感能让他心情明朗起来不好吗？没人喜欢自己一无所是。和妻子在一起，做爱是身体的放纵，谈话是心灵的放纵，只要爱人得到快乐，轻松一点装傻附合他一下不是很好吗？
六：男人骨子里全都喜欢美女，看到美女会目不转睛或回头行注目礼，你别认为他不爱你，也别认为他好色，爱看美女是男人的本能，与品格无关。何况，爱美知心人皆有之。你难道没偷看过帅哥吗？
七：不要太虚荣，不要太功利，物质的追求是无止境的，你是活自己，不是活给别人看的，鞋子合不合脚只有自个知道，舒服最重要，其它的都是装饰，是虚设。何况俗话说：千金易得，有情郎难寻。真爱无价，情义无价。
八：男人为何喜欢温柔的女人，因为他们内心很脆弱，不象外表般坚强，他们需要妻子的柔情似水，柔声细语，轻怜蜜爱。知要你有温雅如兰的外表和气质，有吐气如兰的声音，有含情脉脉的眼波，他们很容易化百炼钢为绕指柔的，温瑞安有本书叫《温柔一刀》，温柔，可以杀死一个男人的，对于男人，那是致命的诱惑。
九：家庭永远是第一，我们固然要对工作负责，要有职业道德，要从工作中得到乐趣，但不要做工作的奴隶，我们工作是为了更快乐地和家人在一起，享受生活，享受生命很重要。
十：爱人的父母就是自己的父母，将心比心，爱屋己屋，老吾老以及人之老，只要内心深处真正感到这就是我自己的父母，心理上对老人依恋亲密，老人回感受到这份真心的。何况，人老了很象孩子，只要象哄孩子般哄老人开心就好了。我们自己也有老的一天。
转自 juztalks
－：时时刻刻牢记着和她一起时的特别日子，生日啊！拍拖纪念日啊！要知道，女人不是为了讨好你送礼物，只是她们认为这些日子都是属于你和她的，对她来说很重要（虽然在我们男人当中可以认为过了可以明年在庆祝啊），忘记这些日子有如你不爱她了罗！女人是小气，可是可爱！
二：不要提起你之前的感情故事，无论之前的是甜蜜还是悲伤的！女人可以在你面前假装没任何事情，可是你说过的每一样东西她都牢牢记住的，甚至在你们吵架时，会把这些东西搬出来理论的，又说什么当初你和前女友都是这样，那样的！哇！女人可是记忆超强的哦！(那以后都不说了… >.<)
三：纵使女人的确有时真的很唠叨，很烦，令我们男人非要生气不可。爱情是双方面的，要互相体谅的！等彼此情绪平静过后主动轻声和她讲话，无论谁对谁作，做男人就要忍受罗！泄泄怒气好了，还是要低头认错哦！女人虽然会无理取闹，可是很快就没事的！
四：无论多忙碌也好，纵使有时真的无法接听或是回复到女友的来电！在情况允许下，回复女友的电话，那怕才短短的两句！刻知道你的忽略会令她胡思乱想的！女人的想象力也不赖的哦！(对不起!!! 我知道错了… >.<)
五：彼此亲密关系过后，别急着立即去洗澡抛下女友在床上，要知道这样会让她们感觉自己只是个男人的发泄工具，可以的话可以抱着对方，不须什么说话，她们会感觉到你的爱，当然彼此一起洗澡会显出你的温柔！
六：要知道，女人的确可以和男性很要好而没有任何企图，纵使那男人对自己的女友有好感，我们爱她可能吃醋甚至会和她发脾气，但她们会自感自己很无辜，更显出你不信任她，更体现出另一男人的好！我们吃醋是因为我们在乎她，怕失去她，只是有时的确需要心平和气和她谈谈你心里面的感觉和担忧，虽然她可能无法做到和那男的断绝来往，也不需要，至少她们会比较保持一些距离，如果她在乎你的感觉的话！
七：无论自己多潇洒，多毫无表情的人也好，有时要让女人感觉到你在吃醋！女人就是蛮像小孩子的，喜欢逗逗男人吃醋，如果你毫无任何反应，她们可认为你不爱她哦！(我好像也很常吃醋的… =.=u)
八：必要时，男人也该有自己的意见和抉择，好让她们感觉你是个有主见的人，才有信心将她们的未来交托在你手上！比如作该吃什么东西时，在彼此没有任何头绪时，这时的我们要作出抉择罗！(可是我常常会选到不好的… :( )
九：在女友朋友聚会时，纵使你可能对她们不认识，不好听说些应酬的话也是一种与人相处的方式，不要老是做在一旁没任何表情，女友的朋友可能会在之后说你好听一点就是酷，不好听就是说你很木奈，女友会在她们面前很失威的哦！我们也要尊敬女友的感受啊！
十：虽然很无奈，但是还是老套一句，适当的的时候要和女友说：我爱你！！(这真的要学学…)
女孩，当你说没有好男人时请看看
十岁以前，就不说了，无非是淘气和不懂事。
十三、四岁的时候，开始对女孩有好感，但是那时候他离女孩远远的，并且以讨厌女孩自居，生怕被同伴嘲笑。
十五岁的时候，听到大人们说某某男人好花，把女朋友甩了，女孩自杀了。他觉得这人真狠毒，自己将来一定要做个痴情的男人，一定要一生只爱一个人。
十六岁的时候，他喜欢上了一个女孩，但是他不敢和她说。仍然和往常一样，脏兮兮的在灰土飞扬的操场上踢球。只在女孩走出校门的时候，躲在二层的窗户上看她的背影,他觉得她一定是个天使。
十七岁的时候，有个女孩喜欢上了他，但是他离她很远，他心里面只有自己那个女孩， 他觉得看别的女孩都是对她的不忠。
十八岁的时候，看了一个MTV，感动得想哭，他想，如果自己的女孩失去了双眼，他一定会毫不犹豫的把自己的眼睛给她，让她能看到光明。
十九岁的时候，高考了。终于和自己暗恋的女孩分别，坐火车去学校的时候，感觉自己离她越来越远，心像被掏空了一样。还在想自己一定不会忘记她，等到自己成功以后一定要去找她。
二十岁的时候，听到有人讲黄色笑话，觉得这人真可耻。
二十一岁的时候，她的回信中告诉他，自己有了男朋友。偷偷的哭了一个晚上。
二十二岁的时候，他向一个女孩表白，女孩说“你是个好人，可是我还小。”
他想，我的确是个好人，他说“没关系，我可以等你。”
心想，我不会像那些花心的人一样，三年五年我也能等。
二十三岁的时候，说自己还小的女孩和一个帅哥恋爱了。他很纳闷，长大原来可以这快。
二十四岁的时候，他又向一个女孩表白，女孩说“你是个好人，可是我并不适合你。” 他纳闷很久，我是好人你怎么还不适合我呢？
二十五岁的时候，他又追求一个女孩，女孩接受了他。
他开始很幸福的为未来拼搏，他想，一时的开心只是暂时的，只有努力拼搏，他和她才能有快乐的未来，
但是，半年以后，女孩和他分手了。
只是因为另外一个男孩会说让她开心的话。
女孩说“你是个好人，是我对不起你。”他似乎明白了问题所在，他是个好人。
二十六岁的时候，他开始堕落，交网友。打扮得时尚而酷，而且渐渐的学习着讨好女孩的话。
不久，他有了个女朋友，虽然他对她也很好，可是，他心里知道，自己并不爱她 。
二十七岁的时候，他和女孩分手了。他对女孩说“你是个好女孩，是我对不起你。”
二十八岁的时候，他尝试了一夜情，发现别人能做的，自己也一样。
二十九岁的时候，他学会了讲黄色笑话，并且以看旁边的女孩子脸红为乐趣。
三十岁的时候，他忽然发现自己变得很有能力追求到女孩，但是却没有了爱的能力。
于是他在自己QQ上写下了如下的话 ************************************************
其实每个男孩，本来都是想做一个感情专一的好男人的。
其实每个男孩，本来看女孩子都是看脸而不是胸部的。
其实每个男孩，本来都是不会讲黄色笑话的。
其实每个男孩，本来都是渴望爱一个人直到永远的。
只是，没有任何女孩爱这样的男孩，她们觉得这样的男孩太幼稚，太古板，没有情趣。
于是男孩开始改变，变成女孩喜欢的那种嘴角挂着坏坏的笑,玩世不恭或者幽默。
开始学会说甜言蜜语而不是心里想说的话 开始学会假装关心，学会给女孩送小饰物讨好她，学会如何追求，如何把握爱情。
或者看破红尘，游戏情场，成为女人恨恨的那种男人。
他们可以很容易俘获女孩子的心 但是他们也会在黑的夜里叼着烟流泪：心里有爱的时候，没有女孩；有了女孩，却永远没有了爱的感觉。
在听到女人抱怨世上没有一个好男人时候，他们不会再去努力做个好男人，只是微笑着擦肩而过….
Acapella: John Williams Medley – Star Wars
[Close Encounters of the Droid Kind]
You must use the force (repeat ad nauseum)
[Raiders of the Lost Wookiee]
Long time ago, far far away (repeat)
Kiss a wookie, kick a droid
Fly the falcon through an asteroid
Till the princess is annoyed
This is spaceships, it’s monsters, it’s Star Wars, we love it!
Come and help me, Obi Wan
X-wing fighter and a blaster gun
Dance with Ewoks, oh what fun!
This is spaceships, it’s monsters, it’s Star Wars, we love it!
[Super Han]
Get in there you big, furry oaf
I couldn’t care less what you smell
I take orders from only me
Maybe you’d like it back in your cell
Your Highness, your worshipfulness, your highness, your worshipfulness
No one cares if you upset a droid
(nobody cares if you upset a droid)
That’s because droids don’t tear your arms out of socket.
(nobody cares)
I suggest a new strategy: let the Wookie win
That’s because nobody cares if you upset a droid.
[ET the DiscoTerrestrial]
Now we listen to Luke whining:
One more season… One more season… One more season… One more season…
I was gonna go to Tashi Station for power converters
Now I guess I’m going nowhere.
It just isn’t fair.
[Jaws: the Wookiee]
Wooookie (repeat)
Someone move this walking carpet (repeat)
Kiss your brother, Kiss your brother (repeat)
Princess Leia
Well I guess you don’t know anything about women.
Who’s your daddy? (repeat)
[Jurassic Darth]
Luke, I’m your father
(That’s not true!)
It is useless to resist
(My hand!)
Come with me my son, We will rule
(I’ll never join you!)
Search your feelings it is true
So you have a twin sister
Who Obi Wan was wise to hide
(Is that Leia?)
If you will not turn
Then perhaps she will
Give in to your hate
You are mine
Long Long Long Time ago… Far Far Far Far Away
Long Long Long Time Ago, Far Far Far Away (repeat)
Kiss a wookie
Kick a droid
Fly the falcon
Through an asteroid
Till the princess is annoyed
(She’s annoyed!)
This is spaceships, it’s monsters, it’s Star Wars, we love it, it’s true
Episode 3
Coming to you
In 2005
So Let’s go
(go go go to the movies)
Stand in line
(buy buy buy me some popcorn)
Cause it’s al-
(please I’d like extra butter)
most the time
(Join the dark side…)
May the Force be with you all
John Williams is the man
new guidelines for employees
转自 miricmmunity
=========================================
1. DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according
to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada
sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you
are doing well financially and therefore you do not
need a raise.
2. SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof
of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you
are able to come to work.
3. SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an
employee here, you need all your organs. You should
not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
To have something removed constitutes a breach of
employment.
4. PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays and Sundays.
5. VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time
every year. The vacation days are as follows: January 1,
July 4, and December 25.
6. BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
you can do for deceased friends, relatives, or co-workers.
Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend
to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled
in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to
work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
hour early, provided your work is done.
7. OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require
at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train
your own replacement.
8. RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom.
In the future, we will follow the practice of going once
each day, in alphabetical order.
For instance, all employees whose names begin with ‘A’
will go from 8 to 8:20, employees whose names begin
with ‘B’ will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you’re
unable to go at your allotted time, it will be
necessary to wait until the next day when your turn
comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may
swap their time with a coworker. Both employees’
supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.
In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time
limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes,
an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will
retract, and the stall door will open.
9. LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to
eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size
people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balance
meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people
get 5 minutes for lunch because that’s all the
time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
信耶穌不信科學
「老師，就是因為我們可以為善，也可以為不善，所以才有選擇的自由呢。」
「我們誰聽過老師的腦子，誰摸過、嚐過，或聞過老師的腦子？」
Marriage Humour
and after death she respects him.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
The letter said, "If you don’t promise to send us $100,000,
The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can’t
keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours."
Some Logic
it is your fate.
it’s your stupidity.
education ruined me.
But nobody’s perfect,
so why practice?
then what exactly are the others here for?
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
There’s Mastercard & Visa.
They are so tasty.
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
It brings so many relatives.
what you can put off today?
So go to sleep
Than waking up every morning
But why take the risk?
I can look at it for hours
Thank God we can choose our friends.
The more you know, the more you forget,
The more you forget, the less you know,
So…why learn?
what more can I say……..
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