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Minutes To Midnight

In this farewell,
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi.
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret,
From the truth
Of a thousand lies.
 
So let mercy come,
And wash away
What I’ve done.
 
I’ve faced myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done.
 
For what I’ve done,
I’ll start again.
And whatever pain may come,
Today this ends.
I’m forgiving what I’ve done. 
 
Wake in a sweat again,
Another day’s been laid to waste
In my disgrace.
Feels like I’ll never leave this place.
There’s no escape.
 
I’m my own worst enemy…
 
I don’t know what to take.
Thought I was focused, but I’m scared.
I’m not prepared.
I hyperventilate.
Looking for help somehow, somewhere,
And no one cares.
 
I’ve given up…
I’m sick of feeling…
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away!
I’m suffocating!
Tell me what the f**k is wrong with me!?
 
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my…
Put me out of my f**king misery!!!
 
No, no more sorrow.
I’ve paid for your mistakes.
Your time is borrowed.
Your time has come to be replaced.
 
You will pay for what you’ve done.
Your time has come to be replaced.
Your time has come to be erased.
 
After my dreaming,
I woke with this fear.
What am I leaving?
 
When I’m done here,
When my time comes,
Forget the wrong that I’ve done.
 
Help me leave behind some…
Reasons to be missed.
 
I’m strong on the surface,
Not all the way through.
I’ve never been perfect,
But neither have you.
 
Forgetting…
All the hurt inside,
You’ve learned to hide so well.

Pretending…
Someone else can come and save me from myself.
I can’t be who you are…

Don’t resent me.
And when you’re feeling empty,
Keep me in your memory,
Leave out all the rest…
Leave out all the rest…

Jul 10, 2007 | Categories: All | Leave A Comment »

Domain purchase…A step to my dream…

My dad is going to buy a lifetime domain soon,
and…i’ll volunteer to help him design the company website.
spent one whole day, learning html, css, and javascript,
and went to some hacker forum and website…
 
nice…
 
i found a paradise…
 
tried some basis hacking, and…it’s not easy,
but i passed some exams…for the basics of basics,
that’s not a bad start, i guess…
 
hacker can be good or evil…
and…i’ll start to be evil…someday…
 
=========================
 
To follow the path:
    look to the master,
    follow the master,
    walk with the master,
    see through the master,
    become the master.

Jul 09, 2007 | Categories: All | 1 Comment »

我是变态

i found new target for my life.
i’ll study hard, and i’ll achieve this target by any means.
 
i wanna hack into any country’s armed force base,
launch their missiles, and bombard one place to wasteland.
and that place is…
TUN AMINAH!!!
 
ok, to acchieve my target,
i’ll start to learn hacking skill…from now on…
i don’t care anymore.
I DON’T CARE!!!
 
DESTROY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jul 09, 2007 | Categories: All | 1 Comment »

F.I.R. – I Don't Care

Download:
*right click save target as
 
It is not fair ’cause I am really scared
this world is not fair it’s not fair
I don’t wanna watch you talk about it right here
’cause I dont care I tell you now I dont care
 
风轻吹 吹干泪
泪流了一夜　才觉得浪费　
是错对 无所谓 我让你去飞
别再做无谓的美梦 想去挽回
就别再作困兽之斗 去挣扎一切

那些美丽誓言 如今都已破碎

飞跃谎言 冲破无力改变的世界

I don’t care. It’s not fair. 就让你犯你的罪
I don’t care. No more care. 带着下一个梦去追
我不后悔　不后退　就是那么的绝对
我要的完美不是不是不是你能给

将一切毁灭!　I don’t care.

I don’t care.
I don’t care.
No more care.

Jul 09, 2007 | Categories: All, 心情日记歌词库 | Leave A Comment »

不爽你!!!

你是不是不要理我了?
为什么不回我的电话?
 
我现在超级不爽你, 我超生你的气!!!
我想了整个下午, 我决定了! 我要跟你断绝来往!!!
我现在打给你的这一通电话是我最后一次跟你讲话了.
以后, 不管你有没有事, 都不要来找我!
最好是直接把我的名字从你的电话里面删掉, 当作从来没有认识过我这个人.
我不管了, 我是认真的, 我不想再见到你了!
你要绝, 我跟你绝到底.
 
你还有什么要问我的吗?
还是有什么要告诉我的吗?
没有的话…bye bye.
 
==========================
 
现在八点, 打不到她电话…
等下再打给她, 我一定要告诉她.
如果今天打不到, 下星期我也要打.
我不管了!
我不爽!!!

Jul 08, 2007 | Categories: All | 1 Comment »

first mobile blog

this is my first time blogging using mobile space.
no mood to work,
no mood to talk,
no mood to do anything…

the weather is hot now, but…
my world is only filled with darkness…
as my soul, living in the north pole, at the days of eternal night,
cold, dark, no sight of life at all…

Jul 08, 2007 | Categories: All | 1 Comment »

to am important person: farewell…

i found myself in a crossroad again…
whether, i should be sad or not…
 
15-07-2005 团员大会, you sat beside me. the scene is still clear to me, and the feeling is…similar…
after 弈慧 declared that love is prohibited in our band, her words…stabbed thru my heart…
should i regret, that i’ve been too 乖?
16-07-2005 our last conversation…you started to avoid me, after i proposed to you…
 
i’ve been lying to you and everyone all the time…
should i be forgiven? maybe not…
i’ve been selfish…and fake…
i scare to lose many more frens, so i decided to…live behind a mask…
 
2006 year, i heard you coupled with my partner, 凯翔, during a sarjan meeting…
at that time, i dunno they know about me or not, but…
they framed you two "问题巡委"…
hate 凯翔, but dun wanna hurt you, at the same time…
so, i volunteerily stay out the case…
 
not that i wanna bring out history, but…
the time i am typing my blog here, these scenes just floats out of my mind…
 
2006 year, we were partner at the exam project, but i did most of the job…
really…i pushed myself to do it, for you…
 
you didn’t ask me, and i didn’t show out…
maybe, you, just assumed i let it down…
but…no.
 
memory with you are few…
and most are sad…
i dunno why my heart is still the same…
i should have chose other gals, but…i cant…
 
i’ve been lying all the time…
i do not confess to anyone…
i hid this truth, all by myself this time…
i let many friends down…
 
i dun blame you, i just blame myself…
i am just damn stupid, silly…
i am just so weak, so lame…
i am such a coward…
such bull-head…siao ki na!
 
"can i ask a secret question?"
"do you still like yanjin?"
慧榕 ask me this sometime…
"dunno"
"…"
"not i dun wan to answer you, is i dunno how to answer you, it’s complicated"
i lied…
i dunno what will happen if i say out the truth…
 
sometimes, you will ask me, "你是不是有喜欢的人?"
i will nod my head…secretly…but then you will ask "是不是慧榕?"
i’m complicated again…
for many time, i wanted to tell the truth, but i do not dare…
…
 
"it’s hard to smile with tears, but…"
"i’ll try my best…"
"g’nite"
i was touched…
i went to washroom to wash my face, to try to cool myself down,
you waited for me…just to bid g’nite to me…
after you went offline, i did not stop cryin…
i was sad…and touched at the same time…
 
============================
 
just read thru our chat log…
i agree, i’m not good at making topic out, especially with you…
but…so long time no open that folder le,
i was surprised…that my chat log with you, has the largest file size…
after cryin for so long time, readin it makes me smile…
we had such great time sometimes…
 
sorry…and thank you…
i know i’m not a good person, not suitable for you.
there’ll be more, better people for you…
thanks, for reading my every blog…
thanks, for your time spent on me…
and thanks in advance, that you’ll still keep in touch with me…will you?
 
i’ll miss you…

Jul 07, 2007 | Categories: All | 2 Comments »

sorry

suddenly, i feel sorry to many many people…
maybe i think too much, but…i feel like i let many people down…
maybe i really think too much, but…i think i did something very terribly wrong…
i created much confusion for other people…
and today, i feel that i should start to be honest…honest to my feelings…
 
i dunno…
i think i’m weak…really really not like a guy…
saying these may not be convincing, but…
sometimes, i cry alone at night…
mostly because the same reason…
 
i’ve been lying to myself and everyone all the time,
that i vowed to be optimistic…
sometimes, i really did it, in front of other people…but…
no one knows how’s behind the scene…
 
我不要听借口　我只想一人走掉  
把泪留在街角　我不过希望你会听到 
爱情化作　一片片冰雪单调 
不用你多说　我现在通通都了 
 
have been struggling for a very long time…
always thought that i’ll leave this place, without much grieve, but now…
waves and waves of sadness, pierced thru my heart and soul…
like…continuous tsunami attacks, cruel, and fatal…
i’m defenceless…i’m weak…
 
可不可以任性　求求你不要去
藏在我心里　最后一句　其实还爱你
 
i think not…
my world is now filled with darkness now…
darkness…suits me…perhaps…
no light, no hope…nothing…
 
你 你的温柔感动了我
我 忍耐太久内伤太重
在 这一秒我一定要说
就算失败 也不沈默
 
just one night, i really touched by you…
it’s nothing much actually, but you stayed late, just for saying g’nite to me…
touched…but sad at the same time…
i really cant believe how in a state i was…at that time…
and for now…not much difference…except without you now…
more…saddening…
 
there is something i really have to learn…
that is to express my own feelings…
and to open my heart…
now, i’m ready for it…but only for you…
dunno…will you be willing to…understand me more?
and…will you allow me to…care for you?
 
i’m scared…worried…
maybe, i made you feel complicated too…
but…i’m ready to tell you everything…
ask me whenever you’re ready…
 
我不要求什么　我只想不被打扰 
把爱留在街角　就当你永远不会看到 
记忆化作　极光出现那一秒 
我开始微笑　以后会努力过得　很好
 
============================
 
moodless now…
now, i only have the mood to talk to…only two persons…
this two person…hope that any one of them will come talk with me…

Jul 06, 2007 | Categories: All | Leave A Comment »

go and back…

好像做了白痴, 给政府耍…
去了, 又回来了…
 
为什么他们就不可以随便一点?
为什么他们就不可以有效率一点???
 
从十一点,
等等等等等等等等等等
等等等等等等等等等等
等等等等等等等等等等
等等等等等等等等等等
等等等等等等等等等等
等等等等等等等等等等
等等等等等等等等等等
等等等等等等等等等等
等等等等等等等等等等
到傍晚五点…
 
电话打了, 没人接,
又再打, 又没人接,
又再打, 又没人接,
又再打, 又没人接,
又再打, 又没人接,
又再打, 又没人接,
又再打, 又没人接,
又再打, 又没人接,
又再打, 又没人接,
打到没有钱, 再进钱, 再打…
 
政府, 不爽他们…
欺骗我们国民的时间,
欺骗我们国民的金钱,
欺骗我们国民的感情…
 
不爽, 超级不爽中…
但又有一点…不幸中之小幸…
 
她们回去中骂…
花了的时间, 精神, 金钱, 却没有去成…
令我有点愧疚…
因为…
我没有唆使她们逃兵…
我没有唆使她们跟我一起进第一批…
我没有叫她们跟凯翔一起去第二批…
去到那边却也帮不上什么忙…
 
我现在是该开心还是什么???
do i still have to be optimistic???

Jul 05, 2007 | Categories: All | 1 Comment »

i will miss you

although we only started to get along since several months ago, but…
i will remember…
 
the time we argue about our opinion for brands…laptop, and handphones…
the day we work at roadshow, pump balloons together…
the day i got late and treated you ice-cream, that i first time taste it, with you.
watched you study maths when we were waiting for time to pass, waiting for the show…
the day 欢君 have to be 乖乖女, and we end up sitting couple seat because of full house…
the idea of highlighting our hair someday, and you end up being laugh for "highlighting pillow"…
the day we went and try out a new coffee shop, and ended up wasting on some lame food with a very fancy name, ice-fire polo bun…
the day we went for supper, ordered a lamb soup, and found out that other ppl dun eat…left us to finish it…but we din…
the day we went back to school, you wearing sleeping shorts, because I assumed they dun care…
the day we went to the roadside stall near your house, and everyone followed me ordered the same thing, without knowing what i ordered…
the day we went bowling, and very "lucky" kena power failure…
and we ended up becoming four wandering 无聊 ka…
the day we went back to school by weekday, and walked around looking around… 
the time you say you are too shy to enter the band room, and left to carries to collect your salary…
the day i went to cs to pick you up, and kena saman for asking where were you,
then later forgot to off the front light, and have to push the car to start the engine…
the night we finally had 田鸡粥 downstairs of your house,
and finally forced my way up to your house…
and finally…the very last day, your last preparation for departure…transformers…
 
i know, sometimes…
you talk and act strangely, in your unique way…
you ask strange questions out of the blue…
you try to cheat me with some stupid, easily revealed lie…
you laugh like…*you know*
but these are what makes you kinda cute.
and i know, you DO care for me sometimes….
 
i guess, this is fate…that we’ll be apart anyway…
and i guess…i juz have to accpet fate…
but, i will miss you…
 
how i wish that i can see you some more,
how i wish i can meet you again sometime…
how i wish i could hold your hands, or give you a hug…or, kiss you goodbye…
how i wish that i could tell you the truth…tell you how i feel, but…
i guess, this is how weak i am…
and how important you are, to me…
 
(watched as you board up the bus, waved goodbye…)
(and watched as the bus go on…)
(tears filled up my eyes…)
farewell, my friend…
i will miss you…

Jul 03, 2007 | Categories: All | 3 Comments »

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